


Mistakes Made

by Valora



Series: The Breed [1]
Category: Transformers: Prime
Genre: Angst, Breeders, F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Kidnapping, Semi-happy end, Sparklings, Sticky Sexual Interfacing, Unplanned Pregnancy, Unresolved Emotional Tension, graphic depiction of violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-05
Updated: 2016-12-01
Packaged: 2018-08-29 05:06:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8476474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valora/pseuds/Valora
Summary: When a young breeder arrives on earth, dangers are underestimated, mistakes are made and Team Prime is in for a lot of trouble. HOT.





	1. The Stasis Pod

**Author's Note:**

> Transformers does not belong to me, blah blah, you know the drill…  
> So… I just needed to write a fun little thing to get my head off of work for a change. Something that’s not an opus magnum. So have fun ;)  
> WARNING: This fic will contain steamy robot sex in later chapters. No like, no read!

The likelihood of today’s mission to end in a dangerous encounter with the Decepticons was extremely small. After the Autobots’ last victory mere days ago, they were still licking their wounds and probably replenishing their energon supply. Still, Arcee and Bulkhead remained cautious as ever as they approached the object they had been sent to retrieve.

The stasis pod had entered the atmosphere a mere fifteen minutes ago, its outside still hot from atmospheric entry. The homing beacon was of Autobot origin, though it wasn’t clearly identifiable. Before they threw a glance inside, they would have no idea who had just crashed in the wilderness of Banff National Park, Canada.

The pod had crashed into a steep rock wall near Mt Forbes and had slithered a long way towards the densely forested valley until it was stopped by a large tree. Meeting any humans in this remote area was unlikely, and except for the occasional wildlife the two Autobots were completely alone out here.

“Ugh, forest… think I’ll stay up here. Call me when you need help.” Bulkhead said, unwilling to leave the somewhat clear area above the pod.

“Sure. Wouldn’t want you to get stuck.” Arcee replied, not without a slightly mocking undertone, then hopped down towards their objective, making use of the mowed over trees as she descended. The large green mech shrugged, glancing down the path the stasis pod had cleared earlier.

The small and nimble femme reached the stasis pod quickly and, after landing on top of it gracefully, examined it for damage or any indications of danger. She wouldn’t have been the first bot blown up by a rigged pod. There was nothing suspicious about it though.

She checked her long range sensors. Still no enemy activity. Then she continued to the small window near the top of the pod.

It was blackened from the outside just like the rest. Arcee scrubbed at it until she could see what- or who- was inside. The sight before her unsettled her.

It was a femme. Young, barely an adult, nobody familiar. What was unsettling though was the obviously panicked expression on her face, frozen mid- scream, hands clawing at the window in front of her; she had obviously been desperately trying to get out before stasis had been initiated.

“Arcee? What’s taking so long?” The larger Autobot yelled across the distance.

“All clear.” She commed back after a moment. “Let’s haul it up.”

 A grappling hook was quickly shot down and attached to the pod, and within moments Arcee was on her way back up, riding the stasis pod like a surfboard and pushing crushed branches and shrubs out of the way. Once it was out in the open, Bulkhead lifted it up onto his shoulder and they made their way back to the ground bridge.

 

* * *

 

 

The young femme woke with a start. Struggling to fight off whatever was touching her when she suddenly felt a warm hand gripping her shoulder firmly.

“Easy. Nobody is going to hurt you.”

“What- where am I? Who are you? Everything’s so blurred-“ she almost shouted frantically, shivering not only from the resident cold in her system, but also with agitation.

“Sssh, calm down, young one. You have been in deep stasis for a very long time. Your processor and sensors are still not up to operating temperature. You’ll be fine in a few astroseconds. To answer your questions, you’re on an Autobot outpost on earth. My name is Ratchet, I’m the medic here.”

She didn’t move for a moment, stiff as a board, then she started to relax slowly.

“I’m so cold…”

“Well, you just kicked your thermal blanket off. There.” He pushed her back down onto the medical berth gently and covered her with the blanket. She was still freezing, but she was also feeling the warmth from the electrically heated blanket seeping into her limbs slowly.

“Now, I’m gonna ask you a few questions. If you get confused or cannot remember right now that’s alright, I’ll just ask again later.”

The young bot nodded slowly, squinting to try and take in her surroundings.

“What is your name?”

“Silica.”

“What is the last thing you remember?”

“I…” she said hesitatingly, closing her optics with a frown. “I remember… being on a ship. Someone grabbed me and shoved me into that stasis pod. I didn’t know why they were doing it… I got scared and tried to get back out, but they wouldn’t let me. Next thing I remember is waking up here.”

Ratchet leaned in closer. “Whose ship was it? Where were you headed? Was there an attack?”

The young femme looked at him. She could see a little bit clearer now. The white mass she had registered earlier was slowly taking the shape of a mech. “Attack? No… no I don’t think so. Those other things I don’t remember.”

“Alright. That’s fine for now. I’ll just take a quick scan now to make sure the enduring cold hasn’t damaged your systems.” The old medic said with the friendliest tone he could muster, adjusting some settings on his scanner. When he was finished, he took a moment to analyze his results. His mouth twitched.

“Uh, you seem to be fine. Rest now. Yell if you need me, I’ll be just in the next room.”

Still quite dizzy and somewhat unsure what to make of this situation, Silica pulled the blanket closer. Maybe he was right, she should try to get some rest.

In the next room, Arcee and their leader, Optimus Prime, were watching the monitors and waiting for any news regarding the new arrival.

“We’ve got a problem.” Ratchet stated bluntly after he had entered and closed the door behind himself.

“A problem? What kind of problem?” Arcee asked from her spot by the ground bridge control, her arms crossed over her chest. Optimus slowly turned around to face the medic as well.

“I just scanned her. She’s a breeder.”

Optimus frowned. “Have you been able to talk to her?”

“Yes, but apart from her name and having been shoved into a stasis pod, she doesn’t seem to remember much yet. Considering the approximate age of that stasis pod, she must have been in the second or third wave of Cybertronians fleeing our home planet. Taking into the equation the time and circumstances of that incident, next to her nature…”

“…her being a breeder probably was the reason someone put her in there in the first place.” Arcee finished.

“Precisely. Which is exactly what we should do as well.”

“Please, let us not rush to a conclusion without fully assessing the situation.” Optimus said, raising his hands in a calming gesture. “There must be other ways to deal with this.”

“Well…” Ratchet started, scratching the back of his head. “…there _is_ a certain risk of permanent damage due to prolonged stasis. But Optimus, we can’t afford to have a breeder here. She would cause nothing but chaos. None of us would be safe… except Arcee maybe.”

“Isn’t that reassuring. Can’t you just meddle with her programming? Deactivate the breeder part?” The blue femme inquired. Ratchet snorted.

“It’s in her _core programming_ , it _cannot_ be changed. Breeders exist to reproduce. She is still quite young, so that part of her programming might still be dormant. But it won’t stay that way. And when it activates, she will stop at nothing to, you know…” he didn’t have to actually vocalize the last part, they all knew what he was talking about.

“To sentence a bot to a life in stasis for something that is an instinct rather than a choice of will cannot be the answer. We cannot put her back in the stasis pod, and we cannot let her wander the planet on her own. I will not risk her falling into the hands of the Decepticons. There is no telling what they would do to her.”

“You want to keep her here? Optimus, have you lost your mind? This is crazy!” Ratchet was indignant at the prospect of having a breeder stay at their base. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“Maybe there’s another way. Ratchet, can’t you make some sort of… medication? Something that suppresses the breeder programming?” Arcee inquired. If there were ways to cure bugs, there had to be ways to handle this in a similar way, right?

“It has never been done before. I’ll need to take an energon sample and research the subject, but maybe, with the right formula in combination with some mechanical aid… it might just suppress her urges enough for her to become sociable, but the medication would need to be very heavy to take any effect and the side effects would be accordingly strong.”

Optimus was slowly walking up and down in the room by now, his hands clasped behind his back. When Ratchet finished talking, he stood, his back towards the other two Autobots.

“Very well. For now, this seems to be our best option.” He turned around and nodded at his medic. “You may proceed, Ratchet.”

“Fine.” Ratchet left the main hangar again without saying another word. Saying he was unhappy with the current approach was an understatement, but as he didn’t have any better ideas, he left it at that for now.

“You’re sure this is a good idea?” Arcee asked the commander after the medic was gone.

“No. But doing the right thing requires the ability to compromise more often than not.”


	2. Medical Issues

It took Ratchet two weeks to develop a medication that would- hopefully- relieve them of their problematic situation.

Remarkably, Silica, who’d made a full recovery from her long odyssey in space, didn’t show any suspicious behavior. Yet.

She had managed to recall a few more things from her past. That she had grown up near Crystal City on Cybertron, that the refugee ship she had been on had been commandeered by an Autobot captain called Onyx and headed towards Hyperion. Past that they still didn’t know much about her, mostly because she usually kept to herself and never said more than she really had to.

Optimus, for his part, didn’t know what to do with her. She didn’t seem all that interested in interacting with anyone, human or Autobot, nor did she ever ask to be allowed outside or mention having been trained in, well, pretty much anything. He was used to dealing with seasoned or at least aspiring warriors, scientists, engineers, in short: specialized bots who had at least some clue as to what they were doing and were eager to, well, do something.

He didn’t believe her to be of low intellect, far from it; the precise and smart answers she gave when she was asked something proved it. Maybe, he wondered, the young femme just didn’t know what to do with herself. With a bot who preferred to spend most of her time alone and in silence, it was hard to tell though.

It did get a little better when Ratchet started administering the medication, so now while she was still very shy, she was now trying to be at least a little bit useful whenever she could. Bumblebee’s presence seemed to be making her feel comfortable. His young age might have been the reason they were getting along rather well. At times, she could even be found watching him and Rafael playing video games, although she usually refused to join in.

The humans didn’t know about her condition. It had been decided that, since she would pose no kind of threat to them, it would be treated like a standard medical issue: confidentially. It wasn’t necessary for them to know and Optimus wanted to spare the children the details.

 

* * *

 

 

“Come on, you can do it.”

“I… don’t know.”

“Of course you can. Come on!” Bumblebee reassured the young femme again. He fell back into a fighting stance, starting to circle her in the middle of the training room. She was a bit taller than him, not exactly weak either- he thought she would make a formidable warrior… if she could bring her limbs to move as she wanted.

“I’ll just fall on my butt again.”

“This time you won’t. Come at me!”

Silica sighed, then flexed her shoulders before crouching. When she thought the moment was right, she bolted towards the yellow mech, trying to tackle him- which he answered with a slight push to her head and a nonchalant step to the side. She almost lost her balance, but managed to not go down face first for a change.

“Tackling only really works in a fight if your opponent doesn’t see you coming.” Bumblebee explained. “Just now, I had about two seconds to react to your attack. Remember, I showed you a few other things. Surprise me.”

She tried to regain her countenance. Her large blue optics focused on the scout once again. This time she charged him again, but slower, skidding to a halt in front of him and starting a forward kick as a feint, turning her hip when her leg was halfway up to hit him from the side; only she underestimated her momentum, whirled around as a result, lost her footing and fell backwards- right into Bumblebee’s arms.

She felt his strong body against her back, his armor scraping against hers.

“Okay, you’ve won.”

“Not yet, I haven’t.” He chuckled, tightening his grip around her waist. “How do you escape if an enemy catches you from behind?”

“No really, I give up.” She said more urgently, trying to ignore the heat starting to pool in her abdomen. She could feel how warm his body was, how his thick armor moved against her ever so slightly, his hips pressing into her backside so deliciously…

“Come ooon~” he sang teasingly.

It was too much for her, the strength in his hold, his body against hers, his _smell_ … she moaned. Loudly.

“What the-“ He released her immediately, confused as he watched the femme stumble away from him.

“Uh… thanks for the lesson, Bee. I need to get going!” She mumbled hastily, then hurried out of the room and down the hallway.

Once Silica had reached her room, she rushed inside and locked the door behind her. Her skidplate hit the ground with a heavy thud as she let herself slide down onto the floor. A sob escaped her. Oh damn her and that treacherous body of hers! Why did she have to turn every single interaction with another bot into an awkward situation? Why were there always those thoughts in the back of her processor?

It wasn’t acceptable, wasn’t appropriate, it made everything so difficult.

She thought back to what had happened just now. The yellow mech had felt so good pressed up against her like that… oh how she’d wished, just for a moment, he would have just bent her over and…

The white and green femme had started touching herself without noticing it. Her hands were wandering across her body, one upwards to her neck, to find the sensitive spots there, the other downwards, to reach for the insufferable heat that had collected between her thighs.

Her port covering popped open immediately and she didn’t hesitate to plunge two fingers deep into her soaking entry.

Yes, Bumblebee was a very handsome mech, albeit there might have been too much of a youngling left in him.

She was pumping her fingers in and out of her throbbing port furiously now, arching her back when she added another finger. She needed more.

There was another mech on base though, one with nearly perfect genetics: tall, incredibly handsome, strong, mature and intelligent… she moaned only thinking about him. And she needed more still.

In a lustful haze, she crawled over to the storage compartment next to her berth, where she kept the… _tool_ Ratchet had made to help with her occasional conditions. It was thick and long, with little rows of nubs along its sides for stimulation. Her port ached due to the lack of touch while she was retrieving it.

With her knees on the floor and her chest resting on the edge of her berth, she rammed the entire thing up her most intimate area in one go, imagining it was this one mech taking her roughly.

“Optimus…” she moaned, rocking with the thrusts she administered on herself, trying to make herself believe there was actually another bot participating… but there wasn’t. She couldn’t possibly mimic the strength of a mech thrusting at the height of passion. There was no warm body grinding against her, no hot breath against the back of her neck. No clanging of his hips meeting hers, no hands gripping her…

The pleasure that had been built up until now was starting to ebb away again.

“No no no, come on!” It couldn’t happen again now, she was so close already! Desperate to reach relief, she doubled her efforts, clenching her optics shut and trying to visualize the Autobot leader. His broad shoulders, strong arms and long legs. That small smile of his, making his handsome face look ever so beautiful. That smile she had seen only a few times, in those few quiet moments when everything was peaceful. His slender hips that would fit between her legs so snugly…

She imagined the things he would do to her, the way his fingers would dig into her armor as overload washed through him- and she knew it would feel absolutely nothing like what she was currently doing to herself.

She stopped. This was pointless. She would never reach her peak like that, and even if she did, it would only numb her hunger for a short while. Burying her face in her forearms on the berth, Silica felt her processor ache returning. Those aches had gotten worse ever since she had started taking the medication Ratchet had given her.

It didn’t really work all that well anyway, but she hadn’t told the medic for fear he would increase the daily dose. And therefore, her frequent processor aches.

She decided not to leave her room for the rest of the day. Silica was feeling ashamed of her inability to reign herself in, and she dreaded the thought of encountering any of the mechs. This day would end just like so many others: with her lying awake on her berth, trying to recharge but being denied by her unfulfilled urges. It would be a long night.

 

* * *

 

 

Optimus Prime was tired. And cold. And dirty. Patrolling the country roads in the Great Plains was usually rather relaxing, but not right after harvesting season, when the streets were full of muck the agricultural machines brought with them on their way off the fields. And definitely not when it was raining on said muck, turning the streets into one large swamp.

He drove through the groundbridge and transformed as soon as he was inside the base. Dirt crunched between his armor plates and came off of him in lumps, a puddle quickly formed where his feet were touching the floor.

“Come on, Optimus, really?” Ratchet groused, putting his hands on his hips. Next to the Decepticons, there was barely a thing he detested more than dirt. On _his_ floor, none the less. Who knew what sorts of horrible earth microorganisms were hiding in those dabs?

“Sorry.” The Prime grumbled tiredly. “Is there any news from Bumblebee and Arcee?”

Ratchet shook his head. “They haven’t reported in yet. I’ll let you know when they do.”

Optimus sighed. He had been driving all day, without finding a single trace of Decpeticon activity in the area. It made him feel uneasy not to know what they were up to.

Anyway, he needed to clean up. Badly.

“In that case, I will go take care of myself.”

“Do that.” The medic shook his head, offended by the trail of dirt his leader left behind as he walked towards the showers. He was about to get the mop when Silica walked into the main hangar.

“I’ll get it.” She said as she walked past him. She didn’t have anything else to kill her time with anyway. Also, Ratchet had enough to do manning the groundbridge and the monitors.

In her usual deliberate way, she started cleaning the floor, starting with the groundbridge and working her way along the trail of mud. As it was quite a lot of dirt, it took her a while to get all of it, so by the time she reached the door to the shower room, she assumed that Optimus was already done and might have been in his quarters. After listening for a moment to make sure but not hearing anything from inside, she opened the door and stepped into the room to finish her cleaning.

Only Optimus wasn’t finished yet.

He was standing in the back, next to the table in the corner, and scrubbing away at his upper body armor he had taken off for that purpose, his chest, arms and shoulders exposed down to the protoform.

Silica just stood there, staring at his backside. He was easily the most attractive mech she had ever seen. He looked good with his armor on, but without it, he was a whole new level.

The instant wetness behind her port covering betrayed her thoughts. She needed that mech.

Optimus heard something shift behind him and turned around. Surprisingly, it was Silica, completely motionless and with a mop in her hands.

“I- I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were still-“,she stammered, turning to leave again.

“It’s alright. I am almost finished.” He wasn’t all that bothered she was seeing him with half his armor off. The many years of war and the resulting minimalistic lifestyle they were all leading had gotten him used to a minimum amount of privacy. He continued cleaning his armor without wasting a second thought on the possibility that for her, it probably wasn’t the same.

Silica shook her head slowly in an attempt to regain her senses- to no avail. Still, she gripped the mop tighter and started wiping up the end of the mud trail.

“Actually…”,she started, feeling her faceplates become uncomfortably hot, “I’ve been meaning to talk to you anyway.”

“Yes? Is there a problem?” He turned around to face her again. She stopped cleaning to look up at him.

“Uh, yes… I mean no. Well, maybe…”

Optimus walked up to the unsettled femme, putting a hand on her shoulder and smiling reassuringly. “There is no need to be shy. You can tell me. I will try to help you to the best of my abilities.”

That he didn’t mean it the way she was tempted to interpret it was clear. Still, especially now that he was so close, she had to suppress a pleasurable shiver.

“You don’t know what you’re saying. I… ever since I arrived, you’ve all been so good to me. You’re all working so hard to keep this place safe. I’m feeling so ashamed.” His hand was so wonderfully heavy. And big. She wondered what those strong fingers would feel like, buried deep within her…

“I know it’s hard to not be able to contribute much. But in time, things will change. You are young, and there is much for you to learn. You will find your place eventually, I assure you.”

“Yes but… that’s not what I’m trying to say.” He cocked his head to the side a bit, confused. What else could she be talking about? “I… need…”

“Yes?”

She took his other hand in her smaller one and guided it to her behind. “…you. I need you.”

The large mech pulled his hand away immediately, his optics widened in realization. She couldn’t possibly mean…

“Silica. Have you taken your medication?”

“I have!” She sobbed. “I have but I just can’t control myself! I can’t recharge and I can barely think straight! I can’t keep using that artificial… _thing_ Ratchet made, it just doesn’t work that way! Please sir, I… I need you inside me…”

The femme was clinging to him by now, her protruding chest pressed against his bare protoform. _Now_ he was embarrassed. He could feel her sparkbeat through her armor and it made him tingle all over. His core temperature made a leap. But no, he told himself, this was definitely _not okay_. Ever so gently, he started prying her off of himself.

“Please, Silica. You need to stop.” Optimus tried to calm her down, but she seemed rather unreceptive concerning that matter.

“I need this…” she cried, tears welling up in her optics. “I need it just like I need energon… please, Optimus… I’m starving…”

He looked down at her, how she was standing there, shivering and in tears. It was breaking his spark to see any bot like that. But what she was asking of him went way too far.

“I cannot do this. I’m sorry.”

“You think I’m ugly. Is that it?” The white and green femme wrapped her arms around herself. Optimus sighed, taking another look at the young femme. She had a pretty face, with large blue optics and a shapely mouth, her body was curvy and well proportioned, with wide hips and a narrow waist, her armor clinging to her protoform nicely... this femme was anything but ugly. Not that it really mattered.

“No, you are beautiful. I mean that. But engaging in such… activities would not be right. I cannot take advantage of you in such a way.”

Silica sniffed, wiping the tears off her face. “How could you possibly be taking advantage of me when I am the one in need of this?”

“Rash actions are simply not something I can afford in my position. Do you understand that?” He went down on one knee so he could be closer to her optic level. “You should go see Ratchet. Surely he can-“

“No. I’d rather spend the rest of my life locked up in my room than let him flood my system with even more medicine.” She seemed angry all of a sudden, taking a few steps back. “He treats me like I’m sick. Like it’s not okay for me to be the way I am.”

“He’s a medic. He knows what’s best for you.” Optimus stated. He was remembered of how tired he was and this encounter was getting more and more mentally exhausting.

“But does he know what it’s like to be a breeder? To be permanently deprived of something so essential?” The pain on her face was so rough, her desperation… Optimus felt stupid, confronted with this different form of cybertronian life. She was telling the truth. It was like not grasping the concept of a suffocating human needing air to breathe, and watching it die slowly instead, accusing it of being addicted to air. Her voice sounded weak when she continued.

“I could feel how my touch aroused you. Don’t try to deny it. You might not need this as badly as I do, but you need it all the same. Why can’t you just forget your rank, just for a moment, and enjoy what I have to offer?” The Prime shook his head vehemently, got back up and walked over to the table to finish cleaning his armor. Yes he wanted to end her misery, but this was way too personal for his taste.

“This discussion is over. You should go talk to Ratchet.”

Her face contorted in what seemed to be real agony. But she said nothing more. Instead, she just turned and left.

Optimus let out a heavy breath. He, the supreme commander of all Autobots, the mighty and seasoned warrior, was feeling completely helpless.


	3. Guilty Pleasures

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we're getting to the hot part ;)  
> I've assembled a soundtrack for the story, the music isn't mine but I think it fits rather well.  
> First Track: 01 – Awolnation- Sail (Silica)

His last encounter with the Autobot base's newest inhabitant kept Optimus' mind busy. Again, he didn't know what to do with her, but now the problem had taken on a whole new dimension. She was suffering, that much was clear, but because of that, she wasn't in her right mind either. Should he comply, he pondered while analyzing a set of long range scanner data they had just received via satellite, she might gain a moment of clarity- to regret what she had just done.

Only… _would_ she regret it? Primus knew none of the femmes he'd ever been with had done so, but he had never been involved with anyone even remotely similar to Silica. All of them had been strong willed, independent on a high level, mature and powerful.

Silica was… he didn't actually know her that well. She was friendly and shy, that was pretty much all he knew about her, apart from being a breeder. Sure, she was attractive. Her silky white plating with the bright green accents had felt divine pressed against his chest, her wide hips would even be able to accommodate-

No! What was he thinking? He shook his head silently and refocused. He had work to do. Getting sidetracked would only slow him down.

He evaluated the data he had received for about fifteen minutes before his thoughts began to stray again.

It had been a long time since he had been intimate with another bot. Ever since Elita's death, he'd been abstinent. How long had it been? About three hundred stellar cycles? His brows furrowed. He had loved that femme. More than anything in the universe. His rank, his people his life- he would have given it all up for her. Only she'd never wanted him to give up anything. She had been his faithful companion, both on the battlefield and in private.

And then, one day, she had been taken away from him.

The pain never really went away. He'd learned to live with it, but he still missed her. And he probably would for the rest of his life.

But… what Silica was proposing was no relationship like his and Elita's had been. He'd once heard that breeders developed no special emotional bond with the mechs they chose to lay with, nothing more than friendship that was. They were promiscuous by nature- finding a partner for life wasn't important, but finding a good sire for their next sparkling was.

Back on Cybertron, even before the war, they had been rare. Some had detested them, others, especially couples who couldn't conceive sparklings themselves, had often accepted them in their relationships readily when they got the chance, to form a temporary trine. They usually stayed until the sparkling had reached its early youngling years, then left.

Next to Silica, he didn't know of any living breeder. She might very well have been the last of her kind, preserved by the very bots who had gotten rid of her.

Maybe she really wouldn't regret it. She seemed to have her reasons for approaching him, of all bots on base. If he kept denying her, she might reconsider though. What would happen then? He knew his little team of Autobots very well. What would each of them do in his situation?

Ratchet would deny her. As he would put it, he was 'too old for such foolishness'. Bumblebee and Bulkhead however weren't that old. And they would probably be swayed more easily. But both of them tended to get attached to others _just as_ easily. In the end, they would be devastated emotionally.

He had learned to let go. It had taken many painful lessons, but as a leader of so many, it was an essential ability. He'd sent bots to their deaths, knowingly, to save countless others. He'd let loyal soldiers, friends, volunteer for suicide missions, let them sacrifice themselves so others could live to fight another day. If there was anyone who knew how to let go, it was probably him. Of course it hurt. Every single death hurt, be it Autobot or Decepticon.

But he, Optimus Prime, couldn't break. For the sake of his people.

When it came to sparklings, well, siring them had never been a thing he thought he could account for. Not during a war, and definitely not being the Prime. Next to being at risk of being targeted by his enemies, they required a lot of time and they deserved to grow up in safety- and both time and safety were things he just couldn't grant. Having a sparkling grow up without them didn't seem fair.

Thankfully, he still had his inbuilt inhibitor, which would make it impossible for any femme to get pregnant with his offspring. Basically it jumbled his coding so it couldn't be deciphered by his partner's reproductive system. He'd had it installed shortly after he had become Optimus Prime.

Concerning what path of action he would take concerning the femme, there was still time, he thought, until he had to make his final decision. This matter was not to be rushed.

 

* * *

 

"Silica! Get your aft out of there!" Ratchet yelled at the closed door, trying to get the femme to come out. "You haven't refueled for days! Don't make me kick this door in!" He listened. No response. On his life signal scanner, which he could use to watch the health levels of team Prime's members, he could see her energy level was dangerously low. None of them had seen her for three days- she'd simply locked herself in her room and refused to come out or even talk to anyone.

"Alright, I'm coming in, whether you want it or not!" Still, silence from the other side of the door. "Get away from the door, femme! One, two-"

"What is this noise all about?" Ratchet heard the familiar baritone of Optimus Prime, disrupting his countdown and plan to kick in the door.

"Optimus! This femme is driving me crazy! I refuse to put up with this nonsense any longer!"

"She still has not come out?" Optimus asked, mustering the door thoughtfully.

"Of course not!" The old medic fumed.

"May I?" Ratchet stared at his Prime for a moment, then he sighed in defeat.

"Fine. I don't have the nerves for this. Maybe she'll listen to you." He handed his old friend a cube of energon he'd kept in his subspace pocket. "Make her drink this if you can. She's severely under- energized."

"Thanks, Ratchet." Optimus smiled at the white and red mech, who turned around and left. He leaned in close to the door the

n so he didn't need to yell.

"Silica? Please open the door." Nothing happened.

"I need to talk to you. Please let me in." Silence. One second, two, three- a quiet clicking sound could be heard from the door's locking mechanism. Optimus smiled and opened the door gently, closing it again after he'd let himself in.

The lights were dimmed to a minimum inside, the floor was littered with Silica's very few personal belongings and some pieces of upturned furniture. The femme herself was standing next to the wall, facing away from the door. Her side leaning against the concrete, she had her arms wrapped around herself, her shoulders sagged.

For a while, he just stood there watching her. Finally, he managed to speak. "I… think I need to apologize for how I behaved the last time we talked. You were distressed and I failed to see that. I am sorry."

"Distressed… that's putting it mildly." She rasped. From the sound of her voice, he could tell she had been crying. Very slowly, as if fearing he would scare her off with a sudden movement, he came closer until he was about half an arm's length from the female. He outstretched his hand, but hesitated. Optimus quickly gathered himself again though, and put his hand on top of her head to pat her tenderly.

"I was overwhelmed back then. But I understand you didn't mean to offend. That you are in fact suffering and are in dire need of help." He could feel she was shaking. Her hands left their cramped positions by her sides and went to take a hold of his wrist. Silica buried her face in his large hand and started crying.

"Come here…" Optimus rumbled quietly, pulling her into a warm embrace and lifting her up. She was nowhere near as tiny as Arcee, but he still carried her as if she weighed nothing. After sitting down on the edge of her berth, he cradled her to his chest like a youngling and rocked her back and forth soothingly.

She kept crying for quite a while as she clung to him like her life depended on it. He didn't mind. In fact it was quite touching how much she trusted him, even though they hadn't known each other for a long time yet. She felt so fragile in his large arms. Eventually, her spark- wrenching wails quieted to occasional sobs and sniffs, then went silent altogether. He was still holding her.

"So." She started, her voice still rough but sounding a little less torn. "What now?"

"What now." He repeated as he let her snuggle her head up beneath his chin. "I have been thinking about this a lot lately and the decision didn't come easily. But… if what you suggested really is what you need and what you want, I shall comply."

Her optics widened, she pulled away from him a little bit to gape at him. He could feel her body becoming even warmer than it had been before- and that very quickly.

"Y- you… really?" ,she asked, barely believing what she was hearing. Had Optimus Prime just offered to…

For an answer, he cupped her face in his hands, leaned down and pressed a firm kiss on her mouth. She practically melted into it, uttering a little moan as he pushed his glossa past her lips. By now, she was wetter than she ever remembered being. He broke the kiss after a while and retrieved the energon cube he then handed to the panting femme.

"You should refuel first. I will be right back." He spoke quietly. Her actual will to live had returned ever so quickly and Silica obeyed, downing the entire cube hungrily while Optimus locked the door. So, this is it, he thought as he did so, hardly believing he was actually going through with this.

He felt a little cheap, doing this not out of love, but for, well, other reasons. At least he liked her, that had to be good enough.

By the time he was back at the berth, she had finished the energon cube and was sitting on the edge, looking up at him expectantly with her big blue optics. He kept eye contact as he went down on his knees in front of her, stroking her cheek with the back of his fingers before kissing her again.

Her response to the kiss was demanding, almost aggressive, and she pulled him closer; her initial insecurity was starting to vanish and she knew that, in just a few minutes, she would be completely free of it.

Optimus was a bit surprised by her sudden dominance, but decided to play along with it. As of yet, he had no idea how she liked to be handled, so he decided to simply test the waters and see how she would react. His hand wandered down to her aft and squeezed it firmly. The femme in his arms squealed happily and started grinding against him. Her movements were smooth, sexy, not at all like the clumsiness he had seen during her training sessions with Bumblebee.

As weird as that sounded, but right now, she seemed to be in her element.

His silver thigh parted her legs and as her hands started roaming his body and exploring his incredibly powerful physique, he pushed her back onto the berth and started rubbing her port covering with his leg.

Her neck was his next target. Silica gasped, feeling his hot mouth nibbling at the tubing there. She was fascinated by the fact that a mech could possess enough bodily strength to rip an opponent to pieces with his bare hands, but would also be capable of such gentleness. Thinking about how strong this mech on top of her actually was sent a new gush of lubricants to her femme parts.

She let small metal plate covering over her port slide back. She wanted this mech to feel exactly how ready she was for him. Optimus was surprised she had opened it so soon, but the instant wetness he felt touching his thigh did arouse him quite a bit. The room filled with the scent of her lubricant- the unmistakable odor of a femme aching to be fragged.

So distracted by what his mouth was doing to her neck and shoulders, Silica didn't even notice his hand had gone south until she felt his palm rub her wetness just before her port was being penetrated by a large finger. This was definitely not her first time, but she still was deliciously tight…

Optimus propped himself up on his other elbow and watched her face as he started pumping his finger firmly in a slow, steady rhythm. Ever since he'd known her, he had _never_ seen her so happy. Not once. He added another one, pushing both of them as deep as they would go. By now, his own arousal was almost becoming painful, his spike pressing against his armor from the inside, demanding to be released.

He would take his time though. Just because he didn't love this femme didn't mean he wouldn't make sure she enjoyed this. He was a big mech by all standards and he wanted to be certain she really was ready for him.

"More…" the femme uttered. Optimus added a third finger. This was quite a lot for a femme of her size, but she seemed to be perfectly comfortable with it. "There's… no need to be gentle with me, Optimus… I can handle some rough treatment…"

So she wanted him to be a little rough? He could do that. In a movement that was quicker than she would have anticipated, he grabbed both her wrists, pinned them above her head and slammed all three fingers into her port. A scream of pleasure left her lips, her back arching off the surface of the berth.

"Do you like that?" ,the red and blue mech growled.

"Yes, yes please, don't stop… aaah!" He did it again. And again, and again, picking up pace. She was responding very well to this, he noted; moaning loudly, writhing and practically seeking more contact with his hand. Optimus had to admit he was enjoying this more than he probably should.

Finally, he allowed his groin armor to part and his spike to extend. The mech released Silica's delicate wrists and pulled his fingers from her port so he could straighten himself, kneeling on the berth.

It took the panting female a few moments to come to her senses again, but when she looked up and saw the mech kneeling above her, it took her breath away. Of course, Optimus was doing this on purpose. He wasn't usually much of a showoff, but in this specific situation, it seemed appropriate. There he was, the leader of the Autobots, kneeling on the berth, his massive spike fully extended and throbbing, the look in his optics nothing short of predatory.

He wanted to make this femme scream, louder than any mech had ever done. Her gaze on him was tingling, he knew even his slightest movements would be tracked by her attentive optics. She was drinking in the sight, relishing every second. Her port was clenching in anticipation of what was about to happen next.

The Prime then made a tiny gesture with his finger, a slow twirling motion. Silica saw it of course and obeyed immediately, turning around and getting up onto her elbows and knees, presenting her dripping port to the large mech willingly. She closed her optics.

Hands enclosed her curved hips. She felt something being pressed against her opening, starting to penetrate her… slowly, excruciatingly so. It was bigger than any spike she remembered having been filled by, ever. Optimus pushed his rod into her, stretching her port so wonderfully, filling her up completely.

It had been way too long since he'd last savored this sensation.

Silica's mouth was opened in a silent moan. This was at least a thousand times better than what she had imagined.

He took his sweet time filling her port with his spike, sheathing himself to the hilt. His pelvis met hers, pressing his mechhood deep into her, feeling her aft contact his loins.

Sighing, she enjoyed this little moment while he kneaded her skidplate lustfully. Then he started thrusting, slowly at first but getting faster steadily.

The femme was making all sorts of lovely noises- every single sensory node inside her was being stimulated, she was moaning, whimpering, squealing with pleasure…

"Harder…" she managed to get out in between the moans. Optimus fulfilled her wish, keeping his pace, but ramming his member home with increased force. Their lower body plating met with a clang now every time he'd gone all the way, only to be separated again so he could thrust it inside again.

"H-hah… harder…" Harder still? Well, if this was what she wanted, he wouldn't deny her. Apparently, she really did like it a bit rough. He had to change his position a bit for better leverage, so he pulled one leg forward and grabbed her arms just above her elbows so he could drag her back onto his spike.

The pressure her clenching port applied to his spike was exquisitely powerful, and when he increased the force of his thrusts yet again, it grew exponentially. He threw his head back and moaned deeply. Right now, nothing outside of this room mattered. Only the little femme, impaled on his rock-hard erection, now screaming in ecstasy.

He was fragging her so hard now it was starting to hurt- she relished that. Tears of both pleasure and pain appeared at the corners of her optics, she was getting close to overload. Optimus, panting hard and being left unable to process anything but the raw and wild pleasure he was feeling, tightened his grip on her arms, almost denting her plating. Her lithe body was being shaken like a doll as he slammed her port full of his spike time and time again.

Her voice hitched every time his spike's tip hit the back of her port, deep within her. Oh how she was loving this nearly brutal pounding she was receiving!

Optimus Prime was getting close himself, but he wanted this femme to overload first.

He didn't have to wait long, for it didn't take much more before her back arched until it looked like it would break, her screams rising a full octave, port clenching with her orgasmic spasms, hips pushing backwards with surprising strength. Tears rolling down her cheeks, she rode out the intense overload.

Optimus couldn't hold back any longer. With a few last, very hard thrusts, he came as well, roaring out his pleasure, flooding her reproductive system with his transfluid.

None of them knew how much time they spent in that moment, both of them overwhelmed by the searing overload, sensory data shooting through both their systems like lightning bolts, way too much to compute…

Silica was twitching and gasping irregularly in the aftermath, whimpering as a shaking Optimus pulled his spike from her satisfied body. Careful not to crush her, he quickly rolled onto his side next to her, panting heavily, before all his remaining strength left him.

Their almost overheated bodies making little clicks while slowly cooling down, none of them lasted long until recharge claimed them.

 


	4. Mistake

Optimus tried to act as if nothing had happened between the femme and himself whenever he was around the others. Thankfully, Silica kept a professional distance as well, although a slight positive change in her demeanor was indeed noticeable. She seemed calmer, happier, quite a bit easier to talk to as well. Maybe, Optimus thought, this had really been all she’d needed. He wondered how long this effect would last.

Apparently not too long, as he had to realize not without some discomfort roughly two days later. He’d just returned from a relatively successful mission to collect direly needed energon with Bumblebee when he noticed she was back to monosyllabic answers and fidgeting. She didn’t approach him though, probably out of fear of being discovered, which was very much understandable.

He let a few hours pass before contacting her via commlink.

_//If you need help, I will be in my quarters tonight.//_

She didn’t reply, but he was rather sure she would turn up. The soft knock on his door later that night confirmed his assumption. She didn’t say a word as he let her in and locked the door behind her.

That warm feeling deep in his abdomen had been growing stronger ever since he had noticed her behavior returning to old patterns earlier. Now, it was very obvious the effects of his attentions two days prior were fading.

“You shouldn’t be ashamed of confiding in me, Silica.” Optimus said quietly as he went over to his nearly empty desk to sit down, weary joints creaking a little. Primus, sometimes he really felt how the prolonged war was taking its toll on his body. “Having you suffer is certainly not my intention.”

“I know.” The young femme replied shyly. “I just… you’ve just been so busy while I remained here with nothing much to do and… it felt wrong to approach you again after such short time.” She looked up at him, her big optics shining brightly in the slightly dimmed room. “I know I already asked a lot of you.”

The Prime leaned back in his chair a little and shook his head gently. “It is quite alright. I did agree to help you, so that is what I will do… if you want me to.”

“Yes…” Silica said shakily before falling to her knees. “However…”, she continued, starting to make her way towards the Autobot leader on all fours, swaying her hips as she went, “... I believe there is something I can do for you as well.”

He watched her, mesmerized by her fluid movements. What exactly was she planning? Curved cheekguards were rubbed against his lower leg armor sensually as she reached him. Optimus felt a warm tongue slide along his rims, just where they met the tires. His knees were next on her sultry exploration, strong muscle cables twitching ever so slightly beneath his armor when she found a particularly sensitive spot on the back of his knee. He watched the femme as she started using her hands as well, wandering his lower legs and gently delving into seams and behind plating to administer her soft caresses.

A kiss was pressed to the inside of his thigh, her mouth moving further up…

“You… do not have to do this, Silica.” Despite their last encounter, this was somewhat awkward. Having a femme act so submissively was making Optimus rather uncomfortable, even if her administrations were anything but unpleasurable.

Silica said nothing, instead continuing her very immodest course of action. After what seemed like an eternity, she dragged her tongue over his interface cover slowly, firmly. Optimus sighed. This might have been a bit awkward for him, but she didn’t seem to share that sentiment. He could even hear her purring quietly, feel the vibrations it sent across his plating. She looped her arms beneath his thighs and grasped his hips firmly, burying her face in his groin passionately as she pulled him closer and spread his legs, mouthing at his sensitive joints.

The Prime marveled at the strength the young femme displayed at times. She was so much smaller than him and, like most femmes, petite in comparison to a mech and yet, he felt like this young female really did pack a punch. It almost reminded him of the type of femme he would choose to spend his spare time with… if only she were as cunning on the battlefield as she was in berth, she would have been a force to be reckoned with.

When she coaxed his covering open and his spike extended, she didn’t waste much time before closing her welcoming lips around it. His size proved to be a challenge and she couldn’t fit all of it, but she made up for that with her hands. Oh, those wonderfully skilled hands, Optimus mused as his head tipped back and he groaned.

She took her sweet time nibbling, licking and sucking his erect interface, alternating pace and intensity every once in a while but never letting him get too close to the edge. Oh she wanted him to frag her, of course she did, behind her port covering she was soaking wet, but she also wanted to thank him- and this was the best way she knew how to do so.

A big hand descended upon her helm, petting gently while she vigorously pleasured her Prime. Yes, she definitely knew what she was doing, nimble glossa finding all his sweet spots as she sucked him off, hands all over his hips, abdomen and thighs, her hips swaying from one side to the other gently. Optimus could barely keep himself still, this was just too delicious.

That look in her optics when she tilted her head up at him, her mouth full of his spike, cheeks hollowed with suction was what almost pushed him over the edge- but he didn’t want to overload just yet. They were here for a different reason and he would keep his promise to help her. So, using his full willpower to stop his overload before it could begin in earnest, he gently took hold of her chin and pulled her off of him.

Silica stood, which put her roughly at optic level with the seated mech in front of her. The femme was venting hard, Optimus noted, pulling her body flush against his and kissing her delicate neck. His hands found the petite waist below the shapely chest, glossy white metal feeling so wonderfully smooth pressed against his palms.

She moved to sit in his lap straddling him, his spike caught between them, rubbing against her belly. He took her face in both of his hands and kissed her softly, tasting himself on her mouth. He was probably enjoying himself a bit too much, Optimus thought, just like the last time. On the other hand, he was doing this for her, but he might as well appreciate the physical part while they were at it. He felt her wetness against him when she finally opened her port covering, wiggling against his larger body to gain some more friction.

“Please…” she whispered, fingers tracing the edges of his windshield and back arching just so. “…frag me, Optimus.”

Optimus didn’t hesitate pull her up and against him before lowering her onto his throbbing spike. He made sure to watch her closely as he did so, ready to slow down at any sign of discomfort, but there was none. Only happy sighs and quiet moans of pleasure as he penetrated her. Although the “quiet” part was gone in the blink of an optic as he started bouncing her up and down on his lap.

Her slender hands held on to his shoulder armor tightly while she rode him, optics closed. Primus, this was marvelous. Her port was clenching around its counterpart softly, the room was starting to fill with the scent of their coupling. They quickly picked up the pace, but this position would only allow them to go so far, so Optimus decided without further ado to get up and lay her down on top of his desk.

Silica squealed at the welcome change of position and even lifted her legs to get him to go deeper still. The Prime truly was an amazing sight as he stood there at his desk thrusting into her, armor gleaming and powerful muscle cables working together smoothly to propel slender hips forward with barely restrained strength.

It didn’t take long before overload hit them.

They found some kind of routine over the next weeks. Silica would drop subtle hints whenever she was in need of the Prime’s company and they would arrange to meet up. It proved to be difficult to conceal their activities well enough so the others wouldn’t grow suspicious, but they managed.

Meanwhile, Optimus watched contently as she was finally able to properly concentrate on her training, and was soon confident enough to even join them on low- risk missions every once in a while. He didn’t want her too close to any Decepticons as of yet, that still seemed too great a risk to take, given her lack of experience on the battlefield, but she did well on surveillance and routine patrol.

Silica was still shy around the humans, but it had gotten better, especially with the adults. Agent Fowler and June didn’t seem to spook her as much as Jack, Miko and Raf did, for whatever reason.

The femme required his… assistance rather regularly, about every two to three days and it did wear him out in addition to everyday duties he still had to fulfil, but he had seen worse. At times, he found himself remembering not to get too attached to her, but it proved more difficult than he’d thought. He was fond of the young femme, he couldn’t deny that.

When she had a clear processor and he was on monitor duty, they would sometimes talk for several hours. As it turned out, she was quite interested in ancient cybertronian history and had read her share about the subject, which was something very refreshing and delightful for Optimus. After all, he had been employed in the great archives of Iacon before the war, back when his name had still been Orion Pax, and ancient history still managed to excite him a great deal. He was happy to discuss and tell her everything she wanted to know- and that was a lot.

It was only a few months later that Optimus noticed something odd about her behavior. She hadn’t sought him out for almost a whole week and as their interactions had been rather frequent up to now, this was indeed worrying.

It was a warm Sunday evening, Ratchet was currently recharging and Arcee, Bumblebee and Bulkhead were taking the children back home. Optimus and Silica were working in the main hangar, but as there was little risk of someone walking in on their conversation, Optimus decided to bring the topic up.

“Are you alright, Silica?” He asked quietly, watching her from his position in front of the monitors. How she was sitting there, slender ankles crossed elegantly, brows furrowed on her pretty face in concentration.

“Of course I am. Why?” She was currently cleaning some of Ratchet’s equipment. Optimus knew very well how dexterous her slim hands were and she was good at handling the fragile instruments the medic used.

“You… haven’t approached me for a while.”

“Should I?” she asked, looking up at him.

“I am merely worried about your sudden change of habits.” He replied, turning back to his monitors. “Maybe you should go see Ratchet when he wakes up.”

“Is that really necessary?” She didn’t like to be examined, Optimus knew that. Still, he didn’t want her falling sick if it could be avoided early on.

“Please, Silica. Ratchet cares greatly for your health. As do I.”

The young femme sighed. “Alright. If it makes you feel better, I’ll do it.”

Optimus was happy she was being so sensible about this.

Ratchet however wasn’t happy at all when he saw the results of his multiple scans. It couldn’t be, he simply refused to believe this. After all the work he’d put into the development of her medication, all the effort to keep her docile and avoid exactly this kind of situation. He had taken five complete scans to make sure he wasn’t making a mistake, but it was clear as day.

“Alright Silica, which genius got you sparked?”

“What? Are you certain I’m… ”

“I took several scans and I’m 99.5% certain that you are carrying at least one newspark. So. Who is the sire?”

Silica didn’t answer, instead she just pulled her knees up to her chest and looked the other way. This had definitely not been planned. And Ratchet was getting angry with her.

“If you don’t tell me right now, femme, I swear I’ll-“

“What’s all the noise?” It was Arcee, who had just returned from patrol. Bumblebee was following her.

“Was it you, Bumblebee? Did you do this to her?” Ratchet continued, now addressing the yellow scout, who could do nothing but stare at his medic, not knowing what was going on.

“Do what?” He was confused. Was something wrong with Silica? Had somebody hurt her?

“If you didn’t do it”, Ratchet grumbled, rubbing his chin in thought, “that only leaves Bulkhead and Optimus. But Optimus would never… get both their afts here, now.”

“Is there a problem, Ratchet?” Optimus asked in his usual, gentle and calm tone when he and Bulkhead entered the room from the back.

“There is. And it’s not a trivial one, by any means. Now that all of us are here”, the old medic glared at every other mech in the room, “I am assuming it was either Bulkhead or Bumblebee who went against their better judgment and got themselves into deep trouble with this femme.” He stared those two down especially, but none of them seemed to have so little as a clue as to what he was referring to. “I know Optimus would never do anything so irresponsible, right Optimus?”

He looked at his leader now. Who remained completely silent. Ratchet’s energon ran cold.

“ _Right_ , Optimus?” He asked again, but now his voice was shaking. “Primus almighty, it was _you_?!”

The mech in question still didn’t reply and Ratchet saw that as a confirmation of his suspicions. “Get out! All of you! Except for Silica and Optimus, now!” The medic barked, fuming, his armor bristled with agitation.

Bulkhead sighed, shaking his head. He still didn’t know what was going on. “First you want us to come here, then you want us to leave-“

“Get!”

“Okay okay, geez.”

As soon as the three of them were alone, all hell broke loose. Ratchet used swear words some of which even Optimus hadn’t heard before. He scolded, complained, yelled at them for a solid fifteen minutes while they said nothing to defend themselves. Had Optimus been a seeker, he would have been drooping his wings.

Only when Ratchet had calmed down somewhat did he dare speak again. “I only meant to help. But how can this be…? The inhibitor program-“

“Doesn’t work on breeders, not in the long run! Optimus, they can store even encrypted sets of CNA and those programs always leave some part unaltered. It’s only a matter of time until one set is complete. So apparently this wasn’t even a singular event, now was it?”

“No.” The large red and blue mech sighed in defeat. This was not what he had intended. He felt stupid for believing nothing would happen, not that he’d had any experience with breeders before, but he should have considered the possibility of them simply being different from ordinary femmes. “What now?”

Ratchet snorted. “Well, assuming she is keeping it, we better see to it we double our energon stock, and fast. Carrying femmes burn through their fuel like old cargo ships. We’ll also need to up security, inform the humans… I’m not explaining this to them. You’re going to do that. Next we’ll-“

“Could you two just stop for a moment!” Silica burst out, close to tears. The two remaining mechs in the room looked at her, shocked. She had been so quiet up to now they had almost forgotten she was even there. “Please, just stop…” A sob escaped her.

“No, please, Silica…” Prime went to sit beside her on the medical berth and offered her his side, which she snuggled against without hesitation, burying her face in his thick armor. “Everything is going to be alright. We will find a way to make this work, I promise.”

Ratchet closed his optics for a moment, frowning. He should have known this would happen. Slag, a sparkling was the last thing they needed right now. As if things hadn’t been difficult enough already. They weren’t even equipped for this. And if the Decepticons found out… no they couldn’t. He didn’t even want to imagine what Megatron would do should he find out there was an Autobot sparkling on earth. But if they really were doing this, they would need all the help they could get. And he knew just whom to ask.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, oops...


	5. Tension

“You’re asking me for help because of _what_?” June Darby couldn’t believe her ears. Ratchet hadn’t really just said that, had he?

“As someone who has grown rather familiar with our kind, next to being a nurse as well as a mother yourself, you are the most logical choice.” Ratchet stated. But this was going a bit too fast for her.

“No no, just, rewind, please? To the part about Silica?”

“Silica is having a sparkling. A baby, in your terms. Two, actually, as we have discovered yesterday.”

“I didn’t even know you guys _could_ have babies and now you’re telling me she’s having _twins_?? This is crazy. Just absolutely crazy. I mean, how?” She stared up at the Autobot medic towering over her, her hands on her hips. She still couldn’t believe this was no joke.

“It pretty much works the same way as with humans, with a few minor differences. Which is another reason why I thought you might be able to help.”

“But Arcee-“

“Has never had a sparkling in her life, neither does she… possess the suitable temper for this task, I fear. No. If anyone can do this, it’s you.”

June sighed, brushing a strand of black hair out of her face. She was no midwife, that simply wasn’t her specialization, but in a way Ratchet was right- she probably did have more first hand experience on this than anyone else on base.

“Alright. What can I do?”

“Whatever you think might help her prepare for this. She is young and inexperienced and she will be scared. It has been observed many times how the mere presence of a more experienced femme can ease the whole process significantly. Just talk to her, make her trust you with all her fears and questions. That would be a big help.”

The nurse rubbed her forehead and exhaled loudly. This was plain crazy. She was to give pregnancy classes to a robot from outer space. “Fine, I’ll do it. But if you leave me alone with this, I will literally kill you.”

 

* * *

 

 The first time June and Silica were scheduled to meet up, Ratchet left them alone. In a way, June wasn’t even surprised, but man, was she pissed. Silica on the other hand was confused more than anything. Ratchet hadn’t even bothered to explain why exactly she was supposed to spend time with this human.

For a solid twenty minutes, they just sat there in silence, trying to avoid eye contact. In the end, June decided to break the awkward- spell.

„So, I’m not meaning to be rude, but… may I ask who’s the lucky man?“ She asked. On second thought, was this too personal already?

Silica looked at her like she’d seen a ghost. She knew she was supposed to talk to her, but the simple fact that this human had actually just asked her a question dumbfounded her. “The lucky… oh you mean the sire. It’s Optimus.”

June’s dark eyes widened considerably. “Seriously? We are talking about the same Optimus here, right?”

“Is there any other mech of that name on earth?”

“No but…”, June paused, rubbing her palms up and down her thighs. “Wow. Who would have thought.”

“You seem surprised?”

The nurse gave a short, awkward laugh. “Well, he always comes across as so… I would almost say withdrawn. But I see why you’d fall for him.”

“What? No, we’re not a couple, if that’s what you’re thinking… in fact, I don’t really know what we are. It’s difficult.” Silica really wasn’t sure what she would call their… relationship. By now, she wasn’t even sure whether or not there were feelings involved, on either side. Although Optimus had mostly kept his distance after they’d found out she was carrying and he probably wasn’t at all happy about the whole ordeal.

“Uh ok er… I guess the earth term for that might be ‘friends with benefits’ then.”

“I suppose that’s close enough.”

There was a brief pause, but then something came to June’s mind, a question the answer to which she’d been dying to know. Clearing her throat, she leaned forward in her chair conspiratorially and asked with a half- whisper. “So, how is he?”

“What do you mean?” June chuckled.

“Come on, you know what I mean. How _is_ he?”

Had Silica been able to blush, now would have been the time. “Well… I… I’ve never had reason to complain…”

Her stuttering was met by a knowing grin. Now I’ve got you, June thought. What a way to finally break the ice. It now was Silica’s turn to laugh- and how couldn’t she? June looked so curious she was practically falling off her chair.

“He’s magnificent. I’ve never had anyone like him.”

“Ha, I thought so!”

“You- wait, what… really?”

“Well… I do have to admit, sometimes I actually wish I were your size…”

“June!”

“Sorry. But… you might know what it’s like when you’ve been single for quite a while. Makes you kind of vulnerable to weird thoughts.” Silica smiled; she could absolutely relate to the part with the weird thoughts. Although she had never actually spent a long time without someone to share the berth with, had never been able to.

“How long have you been on your own?”

June sighed and folded her hands in her lap thoughtfully. “It’s been about twelve years now. Jack’s father left us when our son was still very little and being a single, working mother doesn’t really leave much room for anything else.”

Silica cocked her head curiously. She was no expert on human relationships, but it seemed they weren’t all that different from cybertronian social life. “What was he like? Jack’s father?”

“He was… young. A free spirit, if you will. Very handsome and smart, but it just didn’t work out. We hadn’t planned getting pregnant. He tried to be there for us, he really did, but you cannot force a relationship to last if it simply doesn’t make both of you happy. I guess he just wasn’t ready for this kind of responsibility.”

Silica frowned and looked down at her own lap. “I don’t think Optimus is ready to be a father, either.”

“What makes you say that?”

“I feel like he’s been avoiding me. He’s barely even talked to me ever since we found out I was having his sparklings. I think he might be… mad at me.” That wasn’t exactly the entire truth. Sure, they hadn’t really talked for a while and Silica may have blamed it on the war had she not known how awfully quiet the Decepticons had been lately. It irritated her- and not just a bit. She didn’t need to be pampered, certainly not, but the sheer lack of acknowledgement was bearing heavily on her. Like she had somehow offended him simply by conceiving.

“Well, it isn’t exactly an easy situation, especially with this war still going on, but this is just as much his child as it is yours. If you’re feeling left alone, you should probably talk to him about it.”

“I don’t know…” Did she want to talk to him? No, not really.

“If there’s anything I’ve learned from the relationship with Jack’s father, it’s that remaining quiet and sulking only makes things worse. Seriously. Maybe he’s just worried he won’t be able to live up to expectations.” June said sympathetically. Even if the thought of the mighty Optimus Prime being overwhelmed with a situation seemed somewhat ridiculous, she knew that something like this could bring even the strongest man to his knees. Or make him want to avoid dealing with it altogether.

“You’re probably right. However… I wouldn’t really know how to breach that subject. It’s just… I mean… I don’t know what I mean. This is all so confusing.”

“Well, if you’re so insecure about it, I could try and talk to him first. Really Silica, this is Optimus we’re talking about. I don’t think he’d want you feeling left alone.”

“No,” the femme threw in hastily, “no please don’t. I don’t think it would be such a good idea to bring someone else into… well, something so personal. No offense.” She really didn’t want to talk about this anymore, she needed a change of topic. Now. “So… I heard you’re something like a medic?”

* * *

Carrying newsparks was no reason to be sitting on one’s skidplate all day doing nothing, at least in Silica’s opinion. Ratchet didn’t mind her doing some mild physical labor either, merely reminding her to pay attention her body and to stop whenever she was either in pain or feeling overly exhausted. He could use some help with ground bridge maintenance anyway. There were a few critical capacitors which the medic usually exchanged in regular intervals to avoid failure, so he’d sent her to the storage to get some spare ones.

If there was some kind of logic behind what was stored where in the shelves at the very back of the Autobot base, Silica had yet to discover it. And of course, no one had ever bothered to mark the hundreds of boxes populating the storage, so all she could do to find what she was looking for, was to search through them one by one. She was just about to go back and ask Ratchet when someone else entered the room. She didn’t turn around. She knew whose footsteps those were.

“May I help you?” He asked quietly. She usually liked the sound of his deep and smoky voice, but right now it just irritated her.

“I’m fine.” That might have sounded a bit too gruff, she noticed in retrospective, but if he noticed he didn’t show it.

“In case you are looking for the capacitors”, he remarked, walking over to a different section and retrieving a battered old metal box, “they are right above you on the top shelf.”

“Could have figured that out myself.” Silica muttered under her breath.

“Sorry?”

“Oh, nothing.” She looked at Optimus again, who was watching her with a frown on his face. It was clear she was too short to reach the top shelf herself, but she wouldn’t be asking him for help right now. Poor little pregnant femme, can’t even get a box from the storage by herself. Yeah right. She started climbing the shelf instead. Optimus kept watching her, bewildered.

“Silica.” She ignored him, only irritating him further. He snorted. This was ridiculous. Optimus stepped up behind her and lifted the box out of the shelf. Silica shot the Prime a glare.

“Do you mind?!” The femme snapped agitatedly as she hopped down from the shelf.

“I do mind you falling off that shelf and being buried beneath a heavy storage box, yes.”

“I could have done that myself!”

“No you couldn’t have! You would have gotten hurt! Not only you but-“

“What the frag is your problem, Optimus?!” He scowled at her suddenly very rough tone and things just went downhill from there.

“What is my problem? Do you want an honest answer?!”

“Yes, I do want an honest answer!”

Optimus set the box down on the floor quite a bit too aggressively and took an energetic step forward. “My problem is that I am in a situation I never hoped to be in, having unplanned sparklings with a femme I barely know. And apparently, she doesn’t even care about her own health or that of her sparklings!”

“So now it’s entirely my fault I’m carrying, huh? As far as I remember, you weren’t exactly uninvolved! And don’t you dare say you didn’t enjoy it because I know you did!”

“It doesn’t matter if I enjoyed it, Silica! I wanted to help you because I felt sorry for you but I made everything worse for all of us!”

The smack to his face came as a surprise, to both of them. For a moment, they just stared at each other. Neither of them could quite believe she had just dared to do that. On Cybertron, the traditional penalty for assaulting your Prime was death, but they weren’t on Cybertron and Optimus had always been opposed to that law. He wasn’t really hurt either- not physically at least.

Silica looked at her own hand as if it were something horrifying, an abomination, alien to her own body, like a life draining parasite. Her vents hitched. For a moment, she wasn’t so sure whether he would strike her in turn. He looked angry, was practically growling at her, but there was something else, something far stronger than his anger. Disappointment. He said nothing more as he pushed past her and stomped out of the room.

“… Optimus…?” She called after him, her voice frail and shaky. “Primus, what have I… Optimus…” She knew her pleas went unheard, echoing between the shelves before agonizing silence took over.

* * *

 

Optimus was pacing in the main hangar, his big feet on the cool concrete the only thing interrupting the eerie silence. No one dared to speak, but every spark in the room was heavy with that horrific sense of foreboding. Optics were fixed on the communications console, both hoping and dreading the ping of an incoming transmission everybody was sure was to come. He threw Silica a glance, who was sitting next to Ratchet, the medic’s arm around her shoulders. Her cheeks were wet with tears, she looked pale and was trembling uncontrollably.

The Autobot leader fought to keep his composure, but still his hands were shaking as pressed the button to accept the incoming call. He stared at the monitor, his expression grim. There he was, Megatron, his scarred mouth twisted into his trademark grin, his shark- like teeth looking more menacing than ever. Seeing him was like a punch to the gut to Optimus, he felt sick to the tank.

“Greetings, Optimus Prime.” Megatron rasped smugly. “I believe you know why I am calling.”

“Megatron. What are your conditions?” Optimus spoke steadily, his rage and fear masterfully concealed through centuries of experience as a leader. The tyrant laughed loudly- that was never a good sign.

“Oh Optimus, I didn’t call to negotiate, no. I’ve got your little brats. Oh yes, don’t even try to deny it. I’ve known your face for too long to not recognize whose spawn those two are. And while they would make some formidable bargaining chips, I believe I have a better use for them.”

“Megatron-“

“Ah, the great Optimus Prime is afraid. Good. As I said, I didn’t call to negotiate. I called so you could watch.” He leaned forward and his grin turned into a sadistic snarl. “I called so _you_ , Optimus Prime, could watch. And _break_.”

He stepped aside to reveal two Vehicons, holding one crying, terrified sparkling each. Optimus was frozen on the spot, unable to move, unable to even utter a single word. His armor was rattling on his shaking protoform while the crying from the transmission turned into agonized shrieking.

Optimus woke with a start, panting and with tears in his optics. He could still hear the cries echoing in his processor. But it had been a dream. He sat up quickly and rubbed his face. His spark was racing in his chest. He got up and left his room.

Wood splintered after another forceful blow his dark fist delivered to the huge tree trunk hanging from the ceiling as a punching bag. He dodged the swinging log and attacked again, not even noticing the smaller bot entering the sparring room silently. More splinters flew while he literally mauled the piece of wood in front of him- that was until the chain gave out and a mighty punch threw the whole thing right into the next wall. For a moment, Optimus simply stood there, panting, his back still to the door.

“Optimus.” Silica’s voice was soft, quiet. The commander turned around to face her. A little bit of energon was dripping from his knuckles from where he had split them open with his punches. “You’re damaged.” She said, motioning towards his hands. He looked at them briefly, but quickly dropped them back down to his sides. The ensuing silence was anguishing. Her voice felt heavy in her throat, she was unsure of what to say.

“I am… sorry if I disturbed your recharge.” He said, just to ease the tension. Silica merely shook her head and looked away, sniffing. The noise may have woken her, but that wasn’t why she had come here, they both knew that.

“Optimus, I’ve been wanting to apologize for what I did earlier. I shouldn’t have… please forgive me. Nevertheless, I can’t… I just can’t go on like this. With me thinking what I’m thinking and you thinking what you’re thinking and both of us just sulking and avoiding each other… or letting things escalate. Let’s be honest with each other. Please?”

He looked at the floor beside her, frowning. “I… had a dream, earlier. I saw our sparklings.” His optics met hers briefly as he took a step back and turned to pick up the log slowly. “I saw Megatron, too.”

“It was just a dream. You worry too much.”

“Do I?” Over his shoulder, he looked at her again, then he inspected the mangled chain fastened to the top of the trunk. “You don’t know Megatron like I do. You don’t know how little a life matters to him, even if it’s an innocent sparkling. _You_ _don’t know_ to which lengths he will go.” Optimus leaned the log against the wall carefully. He would fix that later. “Silica.” He continued, approaching her with heavy footsteps. “I am afraid. Terrified even. I cannot guarantee your safety, nor that of your- _our_ sparklings.”

The femme nodded slowly. “So… you do care about them.”

He sighed heavy- heartedly and lifted his hand to cup her cheek softly. “How could I not?”

She sniffed. “You know… it’s not like I’m not aware of how fragged up this whole situation is. It’s just… I don’t even know how I could have prevented any of it. I don’t know how to keep it from happening again. Sometimes I wish I weren’t like this. But I can’t change what I am. I can’t change it, Optimus. Please forgive me.”

“There is nothing to forgive, my friend.”

A small sob escaped her, then another. Optimus quickly enclosed her in his arms, holding her close as all the built up grief was discharged. He wasn’t sure what to say, so he kept quiet, comforting her the best he could by holding and petting her.

“Optimus?” She said after a while, wiping her optics with the back of her hand.

“Hm?”

“Can I stay with you tonight?”

Optimus sighed. “Silica, I really don’t want-”

“I don’t mean… it’s not what you’re thinking. I’m just scared to be alone and… and I miss your company, that’s all. But if you’re not comfortable with it…”

He pondered the option for a moment. He certainly didn’t want to interface with her anymore, but that didn’t seem to be what she was after. She looked smaller and more tired than ever and even if the thought of having her simply recharge in his berth with him was somewhat strange, he didn’t see the harm in it. Not really.

“If you promise to behave.”

Optimus lay awake for most of the night, thinking things over as Silica recharged next to him. He still hadn’t gotten used to the idea of sharing a berth with her without interfacing, least of all after yesterday’s rather unpleasant encounter, but he couldn’t really complain. Occasionally, she would turn over and snuggle up to him or use his arm as a pillow and he would pull her close or rest his hand above her gestation chamber, which actually managed to calm him a little.

He had neglected her, that much was true, and he did regret that. But the intensity with which she had reacted to it didn’t sit well with him at all. It was said breeders didn’t (and couldn’t) really love others, but he wasn’t so sure about that anymore. He looked at her relaxed face. Those innocent features concealed her nature rather well, her small body was so warm against his. Maybe it hadn’t been so wise to allow her to recharge here after all. He prayed to Primus she really didn’t know what love was.

He still wasn’t so sure how to feel about these tiny beings growing inside of her either. Those were his sparklings, his small, fragile, helpless sparklings. They would enter the world in the most inconvenient moment, roughly ten earth months from now, and he had no way of stopping them or asking them to wait a few more centuries. It was a ridiculous thing to imagine really, but he somehow wished he could do just that. Could you please wait for the war to be over? That’s not too much to ask for, is it?

He snorted and rolled onto his back. He felt like they’d tripled their effort to gather more energon, to improve security while making sure their base would remain undiscovered by the Decepticons. But he felt like it just didn’t matter. Every time they had located a new source, it seemed, the enemy was already there, either driving them off or destroying the precious fuel.

There was an abundance of energon on earth… below the surface. And with no means of mining, well. He didn’t even have the energon to feed his family.

Family. What a strange concept. He considered his whole team family and yet… the sparklings were a different matter. Silica, well, he wasn’t so sure about her. He would have liked to treat her just like everyone else, but the physical aspect of their friendship served to complicate matters for him. Greatly.

He looked at her curvy body again, curled up beside him and venting steadily. He couldn’t deny she was beautiful, even now that the pregnancy was putting additional strain on her body. His hand followed the curve of her shoulders, waist, hip and thigh carefully.

She’d felt so good, her lithe body pressed against his solid frame, her legs wrapped around his waist and her arms pulling him close as he… but he couldn’t tell her that, no. That would have been counterproductive. Also, he wasn’t planning on indulging in these activities with her again, even if it had been enjoyable for a time. He’d gotten himself into deep enough trouble as it was.

Ratchet was another issue. He was taking good care of Silica, naturally, but he had probably never been so disappointed in Optimus. His old friend barely even talked to him anymore, not more than he absolutely had to anyway. Bumblebee and Bulkhead were more forgiving in the matter, but not Arcee. The fierce little femme had always had high expectations when it came to the bots she was working with and she definitely didn’t make a secret out of her opinion on the whole matter.

By not thinking things through properly, he had split the team in half, which could be fatal in their already precarious situation. It definitely wasn’t the first time he doubted himself as a leader, but it was one of his more nagging moments- and would definitely cost him a few more recharge cycles.


	6. Doubts

“Okay, um… let’s start with some breathing exercises. You guys do breathe, right…?”

“Well we… we vent air through our cooling systems to keep our bodies from overheating. So I guess we do breathe… somewhat.” Silica rearranged her legs beneath her body. She wasn’t quite sure she understood the concept of what June was currently trying to teach her, but it had something to do with preparing for the birth of her sparklings.

“Alright then.” The human femme sitting on the floor in front of her straightened her back and put her hands on her stomach. “Let’s start with something simple. Just breathe in and out slowly, put your hands on your belly and simply feel how your body shifts with each breath. Can you feel it?”

“Yes, I can feel it.”

“Concentrate on that for a moment. Good. This is a technique you can use for relaxation. If it works the same way it does for us humans, there will be a considerable amount of pain before and during birth. When you focus too much on the pain, your body will tense up. When your body is tense, the pain will intensify. Too much pain can in fact slow down the birth process. This is why it’s important to learn how to relax, to refocus. Alright?”

Silica nodded.

“Okay, another thing you can try is counting your breaths. Just breathe slowly and regularly, and go one, in… out, two, in… out, three… are you paying attention?” The woman enquired, leaning to her side a bit.

Silica shook her head quickly, as if snapping out of a daydream. “Huh what, I… sorry. I’ve just been thinking.”

“You know you can talk to me if anything’s bothering you.” June had gotten up now and was approaching the seated femme to put her hand on the Autobot’s much larger wrist. Silica looked at her tiny hand. It felt so soft on her plating, a little warmer than her own body, too. How an actual, living, sentient being could be so soft and fragile fascinated her.

“June?”

“Hm?” The femme paused for a moment, pondering whether or not she should really ask the human that question. She knew her quite well by now and had learned that, apart from the materials their bodies were made of, humans and cybertronians weren’t actually that different. Also, June was intelligent enough to have a decent conversation with.

“What is love?”

June let her arm drop back to her side. She hadn’t expected her to ask something like _this_. “Well, that’s a tricky question.”

“It’s said my kind isn’t capable of feeling love.”

June frowned. Silica’s exact nature still managed to baffle her quite a bit, but she understood she was somehow different from the others- even from Arcee, although they shared the same gender but at the same time, they somehow didn’t. On that account, Ratchet’s explanations hadn’t really been that helpful either. “Who says that?”

Silica sighed and slumped her shoulders a little, rubbing her upper arm. “Everybody. Maybe it’s because we don’t take partners for life. But… how do humans fall in love?”

“From a medical point of view,” she started, bracing her hands on her hips, dark eyebrows raised, “it’s probably a result of genetics, pheromones, environment and overall situation… but it’s about the character as well.”

Silica looked down at her feet, deep in thought. “But is the character not mostly shaped by genetics and environment?”

“I think it also has something to do with free will. People will react very differently to the same situation.”

“Isn’t that because people are different? Do we really have a choice, or do we just act according to our nature? Maybe what we call ‘free will’ doesn’t even exist.” She looked back up at her human companion, who was watching her curiously. “Maybe it’s just something we made up so we don’t feel so out of control.”

“I’ve never actually seen it that way.”

“The others always say it’s love if it lasts forever, but… can’t it be an act of love to choose to be with someone because of their genes when it’s their genes which make them who they are? Can it not be love, even if it’s not forever? A breeder’s core programming demands a broadening of the gene pool, so we cannot stay with a partner permanently.” She sighed. “We’re like nomads, there always comes a time when we must move on. But don’t we love more deeply, simply _because_ we know it’s not going to last?”

June thought about that for a moment. It was an uncomfortable thought, to imagine falling in love with someone you knew would eventually leave you and that there was nothing either of you could do about it. That there never even was the slightest possibility for a ‘happy ever after’. Maybe it was even worse for them, considering their immense lifespans, but simply claiming someone wasn’t capable of loving seemed like defense tactics more than anything here.

“Maybe it scares them to think you can love them back and still leave them. Maybe that’s why they don’t concede the ability to love to you. It might be a different kind of love, but I don’t think that makes it any less valuable.”

Silica stared off into the distance. “Sad, isn’t it.”

“Oh Silica…”

“Oh well, whatever, I’m rambling.” The young femme tried to change the topic, forcing a smile. “Where were we?”

* * *

 

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. The dark halls of the Nemesis seemed to devour the sounds coming from his feet on the ground, merely leaving behind mulled noises. He heard a rustle from behind and turned around, but there was nothing there. Optimus pressed on, even though he didn’t know where he was going. All the hallways looked the same.

“Please…” He stopped and whirled around. The thin voice seemed to have come from all around him, he couldn’t determine any direction. But it did sound eerily familiar…

“Please… help me…” His pace quickened, but he seemed to neither gain on the voice, nor distance himself from it. He was growing anxious, his chest felt like it was being constricted by an immense weight. That he might run into Decepticons didn’t even occur to him as he searched the endless halls and intersections. He heard the weak voice again and again, never ceasing its begging for help and whimpering. With dread rearing its ugly head, Optimus realized who that voice belonged to.

“Help…” He turned around again and gasped. Covered in large cuts and energon from head to toe, with wires and busted hydraulics spilling out of her body, Silica was standing there, swaying on her feet. There was a small bundle in her arms, energon had soaked the rags it was wrapped with, dripping to the unforgivingly cold floor.

“Silica…” Optimus started walking towards her quickly, but after a few seconds he noticed he wasn’t getting closer to her at all. He tried to walk faster, to jog, to run. It didn’t matter.

“Optimus… help me…” She cried, clutching the dirty bundle tighter to her mangled chassis.

A large figure rounded the corner behind her, armor sharp as blades, red optics glowing in the dark. She did not seem to notice the menacing mech as he was walking up to her from behind.

“No. NO! Silica!” The Prime was running so fast his legs were hurting and his joints grating as lubrication failed to keep up with his movement. He tried to transform, but he found he couldn’t. An invisible force was pulling him backwards, dragging his feet out from underneath him. He fell. The windows on his chest shattered, his vision blurred for a moment from the impact. Still he tried to get to her, to protect her from the evil sure to destroy her, dragging himself on his front, his fingers leaving deep marks in the floor.

He screamed. Silica yelped as well, but from beside him, not in front of him. Panting heavily, he turned towards her voice and saw her sitting next to him on his berth with wide optics, stiff as a poker. By the time he felt like he could move again, he noticed his face felt wet, so he turned away from her quickly and sat on the edge of the berth, wiping his tears away hastily.

“Another bad dream?” She asked. He didn’t answer, but twitched when she put her slender hand on his shoulder. “Optimus… hey, look at me. Optimus, please.”

“Don’t.” The tall mech ground out, further turning his face away from her when she came to sit by his side.

“… it is alright to be afraid. And to cry.”

“Not for a Prime.”

“Bullshit.” Optimus threw the femme beside him a bewildered look. “Sorry”, she continued, “but you know it’s true. You can stop pretending, Orion.”

“Don’t call me that. That is not my name anymore.”

“It used to be. You’re still a mech and mortal, just as we all are. You’re still in there somewhere. You’re still you.”

“Silica”, Optimus started tiredly, rubbing his optics with one hand, “you never knew Orion Pax. You never will, just like you will never know what it is like to be Optimus Prime. Just let it rest, please. I do not wish to talk about this.”

They just sat there in silence for a while. Like so often, Silica didn’t know what to say. Sometimes, she wished he would try to be less… on guard. That he would allow himself to break down, just to relieve whatever was weighting so heavy on his spark. However, it was apparently too much to ask.

But maybe words weren’t even appropriate right now. Maybe what came to her mind next wasn’t either, but she decided she would take the chance and see how he would react. Very carefully, she placed her hand on his forearm. It was a gentle caress, innocent and soft. Optimus looked at her, but he didn’t try to evade her touch. Until now, he hadn’t even realized how tense his shoulders had been.

He started to relax. He didn’t blame her for not understanding what it meant for a Prime to show personal weakness. True, his small team here on earth was probably the most likely to be exposed to his inadequacies, just because they were so few and shared a relatively small living space. But breaking down in front of any of them? Impossible.

Even Ratchet, whom he considered his closest friend, would never get to see that. He couldn’t do that to any of his Autobots. To them, he was a guiding light, a symbol of hope. He could see that in the trust and confidence they had in him, and although it was a great honor, it was also a tremendous burden.

But Silica, it seemed, didn’t even see him that way. Maybe it was because of her young age, he mused, because she had never seen him like the others had, a commander of thousands, constantly wrapped up in strategy meetings and battle plans, the unapproachable Prime, surrounded by guards and officers and councilors.

No, she had only ever known him as Optimus, a mentor and family member more than a commander, a mech one could just walk up to and talk about whatever problems one might have. And maybe, he thought, it didn’t even occur to her that talking to him like this would be unthinkable to almost any other Autobot. She was naïve for thinking he would just open up to her, but considering the circumstances, she really couldn’t be blamed.

He lifted his own hand to her face, cupping her jaw and stroking her cheek with his thumb. Silica looked up at him insecurely. Being kissed really wasn’t something she had expected in that moment, but when his lips met hers softly she didn’t pull back. She didn’t dare put her arms around his neck, even if it was tempting- she would gladly accept this tiny bit of affection he was willing to share, but it didn’t feel right to demand anything beyond that.

Only he didn’t stop at kissing her. The nagging little voice in the back of Silica’s processor may have told her that maybe he was just doing this because he was confused, or maybe he was just seeking comfort and that this was certainly about to get out of hand. However, she couldn’t really bring herself to care about that, too occupied with the hand wandering across her side and chest and with the mouth that just didn’t seem to want to leave hers.

There was a kind of desperation in the way he pulled her against him, in the way his vents blew warm air out of his body. Optimus took her with him as he lay back down, wordlessly urging her on top of himself, straddling his hips. Enveloped tightly in his big arms, she just stayed there and let him have his way with her. There was something strange about this whole situation, something she couldn’t identify. Despite their many encounters, he had never acted quite like this and it perplexed her.

Her interface panel was coaxed open, she buried her face in the space between his neck and collar, closing her optics. Fingers delved into her, the familiar sensation making her shudder and utter a little moan. She was a bit more sensitive than she used to be, but he wasn’t being rough with her at all. Actually, for the first time, she felt like he wasn’t acting on his experiences of what he knew she preferred, but was simply doing what he felt like doing. But why? Why now?

She felt his own panel open and his spike slide out, pressing up against her belly. Primus, he was really about to go through with it. Her port was well lubricated by now, but he didn’t seem to be in a hurry at all, further playing with her for a while before aligning his spike with her entrance. Silica couldn’t help but mewl when he finally did enter her. Maybe it was because of the sparklings starting to take up quite a bit of space within her, but he felt bigger than she remembered.

He was holding her so close she couldn’t have possibly looked at his face had she wanted to do so, rocking his hips into hers gently. Silica held on to him, gasping and panting softly with each and every thrust. His fingers, slick with her lubricants, kept stroking the rim of her valve where he was penetrating her. The slow movements were driving her crazy, but there was nothing she could do about it.

Her legs started shaking, her venting hitched. Her port felt so warm, almost too warm due to the prolonged session and slowly, all strength seemed to be leaving her quivering limbs. With a long, soft whine, she overloaded.

But Optimus wasn’t finished yet. He continued rocking into her at his steady, slow pace, still holding her, one arm slung behind her back and down to where they were joined together, the other across her shoulders, hand resting on the back of her head. Silica had never felt so helpless in her entire life, although there was something incredibly sensual about this helplessness. Whatever this was, it was just completely different from anything he had done to her before.              

He had never been overly vocal during his own overloads, but this time he was just awfully quiet as his whole body tensed up and he held her even tighter for a moment, his forehead against the side of her helm. Optimus exhaled heavily when it was over. She could feel his spike throbbing inside of her, a slight tremble went through his whole frame. He released her and she slowly climbed off of him to lay by his side.

Optimus had opened his optics again and was now staring at the dark ceiling with a frown on his face.

“I should not have done this. I should _not_ have done this.” He murmured, more to himself than to Silica.

“Optimus…” He threw her a quick glance. Primus, she looked so confused.

“I am… sorry, I need to go.” The Prime said, getting up off the bed and walking to the door slowly. Still hot, sticky from their combined fluids and trembling, Silica sat up in his bed and called after him.

“What? Where?”

He sighed, but didn’t turn back around. “To clear my processor.” With that he left.


	7. Rough Beginnings

The nights in the desert were cold, the air pleasantly crisp and the sky clear. Optimus was no fool, he knew this calm environment didn’t mean he was save from Decepticon attacks, but so far, he had encountered no sign of them. He had time to think as he drove his patrol circuit.

What he had done earlier bothered him greatly. He hadn’t hurt her, Primus forbid, he would have noticed that, but he somehow felt like he had violated something. Himself maybe. Or them, if there was a “them” in the first place.

His large engine worked harder to follow the inclining road ahead. What had he been thinking? And what, he wondered, was Silica thinking of him now? That he didn’t know what he wanted? That a Prime acted on minute whims, contradictive to his own set rules? He was an idiot for sending out mixed signals, really.

By doing so, he was also confusing himself. He kept telling himself he harbored no romantic feelings toward the young female, yet he found himself longing to touch her in rather inappropriate ways. If he only hadn’t started this in the first place. Did he have to talk to her about this? Perhaps, but he really did not want to.

It would probably be enough to simply apologize to her and be done with it anyway. He did not need her to know about his own emotional disarray, it wouldn’t do her any good and she had enough to worry about herself as it was.

Primus, and the nightmares. He wished he could just turn them off, but all the same, he knew what made them really frightening was that they just were not far fetched, way too close to reality to be brushed off. He had seen the horrors of war, bore the scars that came with it. He could cope with that, somewhat, but some bots just didn’t belong in a war. Bots like Silica, or their sparklings.

Thinking back, he had never asked her why she had joined the Autobots to begin with. He just couldn’t imagine her on the battlefield, sweet, gentle Silica tearing through Decepticon soldiers- that image simply didn’t compute. On the other hand, there were bots like Bumblebee, who were both incredibly soft- sparked and tough as nails. He wondered how she would hold up in a potentially threatening situation, but at the same time, he didn’t ever want to see it.

He kept thinking about the worst case scenario, with their base being discovered by the enemy. They would be out in the open, with nowhere to hide, their only equipment what they could carry, no ground bridge, minimal medical supplies. Not a pleasant thought by itself, but with little sparklings thrown into the mix, it turned into a scenario that might as well have sprung from one of his nightmares.

If all else failed, he could ask the human government to help them hide at least Silica and the little ones, assuming the Decepticons never found out about them. Even then, he wasn’t sure they would be safe with the humans. They were allies, yes, but he didn’t exactly trust them with bots who couldn’t hold their own in a fight. Humans and cybertronians were just too much alike- curious, greedy and fickle. Also, one couldn’t just lock up sparklings forever. And here was another problem.

He sighed. However one thought about it, new issues kept arising on every corner, at every end of every line of thought.

* * *

 

The following months weren’t exactly easy for team Prime. They suffered some major setbacks when it came to the collection of energon and the Decepticons had undergone numerous attempts to raid human factories for whatever they could use, which had resulted in quite a bit of collateral damage.

Not exactly the best precondition to break the news of Silica’s condition to Special Agent Fowler, Optimus thought wryly as the helicopter landed on top of their base. However, he had procrastinated far too long already and there simply was no way around it- he had to tell their ally, if only to prepare him for the possibility of their team not being able to fight at full capacity at some point. Also, Silica had actually started showing and for a cybertronian carrying cycle, that usually meant there wasn’t too much time left until emergence. Primus, the time had gone by way too fast.

“Prime! I hope you have a good reason for making me come here. What is it?” The man said, loosening his tie as he left the elevator.

“Good morning to you too, Special Agent Fowler. I apologize for the inconvenience, but I felt like the matter at hand should be discussed personally.” Optimus was standing in front of the human in his best addressing-the-troops-pose, his feet planted on the floor securely, shoulders squared.

“What did you guys do this time?”

“I would merely like to inform you about one of my Autobot’s personal medical issue, which might… have a certain impact on the team’s effectiveness concerning patrol routines and handling of Decepticon activity.” He tried to sound as professional as he could, but Fowler would have none of that.

“Cut the crap, Prime. Did one of you catch a virus again or what?”

“No, I fear the matter is much more delicate than that. Our newest arrival, Silica, well… she… uh…” Frag. He had played this scene in his head over and over again, thought of multiple ways how to explain this to their government liaison, but now he didn’t know what to say. Brilliant.

“What about her? Come on, spill it.”

“… she is carrying newsparks. In human terms, she is pregnant.”

William Fowler said nothing. He stood there, right in front of Optimus Prime, staring at the leader of the Autobots, mouth gaping.

“You’re kidding. You’re kidding me, Prime.”

“I am not.”

“What. The. Fuck. Jesus fucking Christ! Pregnant?! You guys can get pregnant?! What the- does this look like a daycare center to you?! What in the name of god made you think this was a good idea? No wait, let me guess, it was an accident, huh? What are you, a bunch of oversized teenagers?! God!”

“It is the reason why we have maximized our efforts to increase our energon stockpile. Which was only mildly successful, I have to admit.” Optimus explained to the fuming human. He had in fact reacted better than he had expected.

“Okay you know what just, just stop for a second. You’re telling me that one of you is gonna have a baby _and_ you don’t even have enough fuel for that? Seriously, if I didn’t know that you don’t have even an ounce of humor in you, I’d be applauding you now because you’re still managing to keep a straight face. Oh GOD!” He exclaimed and turned around quickly, tearing his hair.

Optimus turned around himself, his gaze softened. Ratchet was currently helping Silica walk from the hallway that led to the private quarters to his makeshift medbay. Compared to how human females looked when they were carrying, Silica’s bump was rather unspectacular, but for a cybertronian this level of dilation was already highly uncomfortable and greatly hindering the range of motion. Respectively, she was having dire trouble moving about by now.

“Sweet Jesus, I can’t even- oh man, how long have you guys been keeping this a secret? Can she even transform like that?”

“Transforming is not possible at this stage of gestation, no.”

“Now that’s just sad. That’s like watching a butterfly that’s fallen into a puddle and can’t fly anymore. A huge metal butterfly.” Fowler watched the young femme’s cumbersome movements for a while, then he sighed. “Now what am I supposed to tell my superiors, huh? That you like it so much here you’re starting to multiply?”

“I would advise you to treat this information confidentially, unless disclosure is absolutely necessary. In the wrong hands, it might lead to disastrous outcomes for the whole team.”

“Okay, I’ll call off the baby shower then. And you”, he said, sneaking another glance at the pregnant female as she leaned against the examination table exhaustedly. His expression softened a bit at the somewhat pitiful sight and for a moment, there was a strange look in his eyes Optimus had never before noticed on him. “You just… take care of that.”

He left after that and didn’t show himself in the weeks to follow, but one day, a large trailer filled to the brim with gasoline was left in front of their base. They couldn’t use it in this form, but they could refine it into energon. It wasn’t much, but it would help.

* * *

 

The heavy red and blue truck thundered over the highway near Elliott, Autralia. The sun heated his roof and hood mercilessly, the asphalt so hot he felt like his tires would melt off. This was definitely not a pleasant drive, but he wanted to make sure there really were no Decepticons in the area before heading back to their base. It had probably been a false alarm, but he’d rather have his tires molten than let the enemy wreak havoc among the human population in the area, sparse though it may have been.

When he was pinged by an incoming message from across the planet, he slammed his brakes out of reflex. He had been on edge for the past weeks and not without reason. What the medic at the other end told him only confirmed his suspicions.

“Optimus, come in. Code floret. I repeat, code floret. Opening ground bridge at following coordinates.” A row of numbers surged across the comm link, Optimus hit the gas and did a harsh u turn, his sticky tires squealing and producing a significant amount of smoke before he accelerated towards the bridge.

A cloud of reddish dust followed him into the main room of the base. He transformed hastily, a cold shiver running down his heated back when he heard a long, anguished moan. Silica. He found her braced on Ratchet’s operating table, her head low between her upper arms, optics clenched shut tightly. Her venting was heavy and irregular, she was clearly in pain. Optimus put his hand on her back, gently rubbing up and down across her plating.

“I’m here, Silica. I’m here. Ratchet?”

“Her readings are stable. The sparklings seem to have started repositioning, abdominal dilation should set in soon. She is in a good condition, but we need to watch her closely.” The old medic stated, taking another look at the display on his arm before crouching beside the femme. “Silica, I have contacted June. She’s on her way and will be here shortly.”

The young femme nodded mutely. Optimus sent messages to Arcee and Bulkhead to not bring the children to their base until further notice, but stay with them in Jasper to watch over them- even if this was the first time he himself witnessed a birth, he had a vague understanding of how ugly things could become and he didn’t want them to see this. Also, he feared they might get hurt should something go wrong and bots didn’t watch their step anymore. One human was enough and he was confident June would be attentive and focused enough to handle the situation.

He and Ratchet had decided they would call Bumblebee back to base to assist them. The scout was young and gentle, but headstrong enough to keep a clear processor in difficult situations. He was also way better at comforting others than Arcee and not nearly as squeamish as Bulkhead, which was exactly why Ratchet wanted him to be there with them.

Silica hung on to her Prime’s arm helplessly as more painful surges rocked her already trembling body. Truth be told, it made his energon run cold to see her in such pain and knowing it had only just started. He couldn’t even help her, other than being there and trying to comfort her. Relieved, he noted the arrival of June and Bumblebee a few minutes later.

The hours passed and the labor got worse. June did a great job talking to Silica, breathing in and out with her, encouraging her. The femme didn’t speak at all. Bumblebee and Optimus did their best to support her. It wasn’t an easy task, trying to guess what she needed or what position she wanted to be in at the moment, but they worked together rather well.

Cybertronian births were long and, due to their relatively rigid metal bodies, difficult. Silica progressed very slowly even for their standards, and although Ratchet had provided her with an IV, was growing low on energy, scared and frustrated. After a particularly painful episode over forty hours into labor, she broke out into tears. Optimus, who was sitting behind her, holding her against his chassis gently, brushed his cheek against her forehead.

“I can’t… please… make it stop…” She sobbed. Bumblebee returned with a fresh cool pack, sitting down next to them and taking a hold of her hand.

“You’re doing great, Silica. You can do it.” He said as he pressed the cool pack to her helm carefully. He was growing tired himself, but he would stay with her until the very end. Just like June, Ratchet and Optimus. June, who had very distinct dark circles around her eyes by now, patted Silica’s forearm.

“I know it’s hard, but you’re doing a great job, honey. Yes, that’s it, deep breaths. Beautiful.” She urged her on. To be completely honest, she was starting to get worried herself though. The only sources of information she had when it came to Cybertronians birthing were the translated records Ratchet had given her, but she felt like something wasn’t right, like Silica’s stamina was deteriorating without them really getting anywhere.

The femme’s screams seemed to shake the base’s foundations as the next set of contractions arrived. She clung to the Prime’s chest so tightly she was denting his armor, he tried not to flinch as he endured it. Ratchet took another scan and evaluated the results. The sparklings were both in the right position to emerge and the first one had even made its way quite a bit down the birth canal, but it hadn’t moved from there in over two hours. As they didn’t require oxygen like human infants, the sparklings were fine, but he feared they might become under- energized if the birth was prolonged much more.

Silica was still crying miserably when the pain ebbed away a little bit. Her strength was fading quickly, the torturously strong contractions coming in quick succession and barely leaving her time to recuperate. Her body felt like it was being torn apart from the inside and there just was no way for her to stop it or to ease the pain.

After another two hours or so, Ratchet became increasingly worried. Silica’s life signals were dropping continuously and there still was no progress. The situation was steadily growing more dangerous for her sparklings as well, and he finally was certain he had to act if they were to survive this unscathed.

Very carefully, he helped her onto her back so he could try to help the first sparkling on its way out. He knew it hurt her a great deal when he inserted his hand to take a hold of the unborn little bot, but there was nothing he could do about her pain right now. His supplies when it came to painkillers were limited and what he had would have been too harsh on her straining systems.

With the next wave of contractions, he tugged gently, but other than the laboring mother’s screams rising in volume, it accomplished nothing at all. Just what he had feared.

“They’re… too big. They got stuck above her pelvic arc.” Ratchet said, sitting back and throwing June a worried look. “We need to get them another way.”

“A cesarian? Is that possible?” The nurse braced her hands on her knees exhaustedly.

“No. A Cybertronian’s internal organs aren’t as flexible as a human’s, I would have to remove way too many parts. It would take too long and be too risky.” He explained as he quickly walked to a cabinet by the wall and opened a large drawer. “I… hoped I wouldn’t have to use this.”

The tool he retrieved looked like an oversized hydraulic rescue cutter, but with curved plates attached to its end. It was heavy and even though her processor was somewhat groggy, Silica tried to scuttle back in fear when Ratchet placed it on the operating table.

“What are you going to do?” June asked, appalled by the sight of the brutish looking instrument.

“I need to make some room for the sparklings. I… will need to fracture her pelvis and secure it in a spread open position so I can get them out without damaging them.” He quickly made some adjustments to the settings of the tool and coated it with large amounts of lubrication.

At hearing what Ratchet’s plan was, Optimus was feeling rather sick. Inflicting this kind of damage didn’t sit well with him at all. “Is there no other way?” The Prime asked, for once not even trying to mask the uneasiness in his voice.

“I know it sounds horrible, and it is, but if we want all three of them to live, I fear this is our best option. Optimus, Bumblebee you’ll need to help me. June, you better stay clear, this might be dangerous for you.” The nurse merely nodded and started climbing off of the medical berth.

“Alright. Optimus. Sit over here and hold her in front of you. No matter what happens, do not let go of her. Try to restrain her arms as well. Bumblebee, I need you to hold her legs still. Can you do that?” Bumblebee nodded, gulping. Ratchet sighed, then turned to Silica, who was slowly starting to panic.

“Ratchet… my sparklings-“

“They are going to be fine, I promise. But you need to be very brave now, for them. I won’t lie, this is going to be painful. You need to hang on Silica. It will be over soon. I’m sorry.”

She agreed with a weak nod, tears running down her face. “Good girl. Ready?” Optimus and Bumblebee nodded quietly. Ratchet moved so he was standing in front of the femme’s spread legs and took a deep vent. Silica screamed and tried to struggle when he pushed the device into her slowly.

“Hold her steady!” He barked at the other two mechs, who had some difficulties to keep the thrashing femme from moving. June simply stood there, a good distance away from them, and watched, her arms crossed tightly in front of her body. She was used to quite a bit through her work as a nurse and she herself knew some medical procedures which required the infliction of damage prior to a treatment, but still it was a sickening sight.

Finally, Ratchet managed to position the jaws of the tool in a way that would allow the attached plates to push the massive metal part that was her pelvis apart without slipping. “Three, two, one…” he activated the machine and the topmost part split with a loud humming noise.

Silica’s screams were deafening as the pressure inside her pelvis increased, she had never been in so much pain in her entire life. A sickening creaking sound was heard as the tool expanded relentlessly. Tears welled up in Optimus Prime’s optics- this wasn’t what he had imagined this to be like and certainly not something he had wanted her to endure. He twitched as a loud, very loud cracking sound was heard and her internal structure finally gave out.

Ratchet stopped the device after a few more seconds and had it deploy a spreader ring to her abused insides. He then pulled the tool out and put it aside. Delivering the first sparkling went quickly after that. It was the little femme, healthy and undamaged, if exhausted. The mechling was a bit more difficult as he was still lodged deeper within his mother, but in the end, Ratchet managed to get a hold of him too and get him out. He placed both of them in a makeshift crib (which was actually just an old storage box clad out with clean rags) and went back to their mother to take care of her.

Silica was about to black out, he could see that alone from the way her optics moved erratically. “Stay with me, young one. Stay with me.” He said to her while starting to repair her as quickly as possible. The spreader had done quite some damage, but she would recover. Piecing her internals back together wasn’t easy given the very limited space, but he managed to weld her back together the best he could and make sure she hadn’t busted a major fuel line.

“I need to put her in stasis, now. Her energy levels are critical.” Inducing stasis didn’t take the experienced medic long, it was a standard emergency procedure after all. Her body went limp, her optics closed. “Good. You two can check on the sparklings now. I’ll take a few more minutes to get her stabilized.”

Optimus gently peeled himself away from the femme and rearranged her on the operating table. He paused before following the sound of the two whimpering newborns and stroked the femme’s helm apologetically. He’d never meant for something like this to happen and he felt incredibly guilty, knowing he was partly responsible for it. But she was in good hands.

An irritated squeal from the box reminded him there was someone else who needed him right now and so he left her in Ratchet’s care. There was no reason to sneak up to the box like he did, but he almost felt like too much noise would be detrimental right now. When he was close enough to take a look at the Autobot base’s newest inhabitants, he stopped. He had seen sparklings before of course, but nothing in the universe could have ever prepared him for this.

There they were, _his_ newborn sparklings, in a box amidst soft rags, wiggling their tiny little limbs and trying to open huge blue optics. He didn’t dare pick either of them up, merely reaching into the box and stroking chubby little faceplates instead. The little noises they produced made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside, like a newly discovered part of his programming stirred and made him want to do anything to ensure his offspring was well and happy.

Bumblebee walked up beside him, staring into the box with wide optics. Fascinated by their tiny little hands, he touched one with his index finger carefully, only to have it grabbed and pulled on. The yellow scout was absolutely at a loss for words, and not because of his damaged vocalizer. He smiled and looked at his leader, his friend, who just couldn’t seem to take his optics off of his litt


End file.
